


for your eyes only, i'll show you my heart

by merlypops



Series: Girl!5SOS Oneshots [5]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cunnilingus, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Girl 5sos, Healing, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Moving On, Oral Sex, Past physical abuse, Requited Love, Roommates, Runaway Michael, Shame, Smut, Song Lyrics, Vaginal Fingering, cis girl calum, cis girl michael, girl!calum, girl!michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-03 08:35:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5283977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/pseuds/merlypops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Mike felt the tears that she’d been holding in all day beginning to roll down her cheeks because, if there was one thing she’d <i>never</i> had the strength to fight against, it was kindness.<br/>"Let me help you,” Cal pleaded, wrapping one arm carefully around the older girl’s waist as she led her back the way she’d come.<br/>Cal never once stopped helping Mike.<br/>That was the beginning.'</p><p>
  <b>Mike runs away from her abusive father and Cal shows her that life can still be beautiful.</b>
</p><p>Based on "If I Could Fly" by One Direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	for your eyes only, i'll show you my heart

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic for a good couple of weeks now and, with the new job and also trying to keep updating my other two multi-chapter fics (sorry I'm being so slow), this took a lot longer than I first anticipated!  
> I think the writing style feels a little bit different to what I usually write although I don't know why!  
> I hope you'll all enjoy this! <3

**_If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you._ **

**_I think I might give up everything, just ask me to._ **

****

Mike kept her heart locked away in the broken cage of her cracked ribs. The bruises that stained her skin were not beautiful and her golden hair was limp these days. Her once-sparkling eyes were dull and bloodshot with tears. Her trembling fingertips were like snowflakes as she smeared the blood from her pale skin.

Mike lost her mother when she was ten years old and her father found peace at the bottom of a bottle. His knuckles were iron against Mike’s fragile body and her bones crunched like broken glass beneath him. Daryl always apologised afterwards, wept and kissed her bleeding cheeks and begged for her to forgive him. Mike always did but Daryl’s hands grew heavier, his blood thicker with alcohol, and Mike wasn’t a fool despite what they told her at school.

She knew if she stayed in their horrible flat with him – where it was dark and cramped and _awful_ – she wouldn’t live to see adulthood. That was why Mike forced herself to go to college, no matter _how_ hard it was when her lip was split open and the pale skin around her eye was bruised violet.

Mike _forced_ herself to go because she knew her only escape was a scholarship. They had no money and the thought of winning a place at a university far, _far_ away was the only thing that kept Mike going on those dark nights when her father’s knuckles slammed into her face and her mouth filled with blood. Sometimes the thought felt like the only thing she had left to hold onto.

Daryl was livid when Mike won her scholarship but, for the first time in the eighteen year old’s life, Mike didn’t care that her father was angry. She wasn’t planning on sticking around to see it. Daryl had done everything he could to force his daughter to stay – he’d even tried _begging_ but that didn’t work when his fists were streaked with his only child’s blood – but Mike still ran away in the night with everything she owned crammed into a suitcase she’d found in the alley behind the flats.

Mike hitchhiked all the way to Sydney, her bruised face and empty eyes evidence enough that she was running from someone. People took pity on her and she made it, arriving so late for enrolment that the hall was thankfully almost empty by the time she limped into the room. Her anxiety was wrapped tightly around her lungs, burning hot wire digging in and restricting her breathing as she exhaled raggedly when the woman behind the desk looked up at her in shock.

“Do you need help, love?” she asked gently and Mike’s eyes swam with tears as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. It was bleeding sluggishly and she was sure it was broken.

“I’m fine,” Mike croaked pitifully and the woman looked more unconvinced than anyone Mike had ever seen before. “My name’s Michelle Clifford. I’d like to enrol please.” The woman began to speak uncertainly and Mike forced herself to stand up straighter, looking the woman straight in the eye in a way she’d never dared to do to her father before. “ _I’ll be fine_ ,” Mike insisted and her voice wasn’t shaking anymore. “The sooner I get this done, the sooner I can get checked over… so can I _please_ enrol now?”

Mike had no intention of going to the hospital but the woman didn’t need to know that. All Mike knew was that she had _not_ come this far just to be turned away at the metaphorical gates.

The woman filled the forms in but she didn’t look happy about it.

Mike didn’t care.

 

**_Pay attention, I hope that you listen ‘cause I let my guard down._ **

**_Right now I'm completely defenceless._ **

****

As first impressions went, Mike probably could have done better – and by ‘better’, she simply meant entering the room without tripping over her own feet when she caught a glimpse of the blood smeared all over her face in a small mirror her roommate had put up on one of the desks.

“Oh Christ,” the dark-haired girl said when Mike looked wildly at her with wide, tear-wet eyes. “Are you Michelle?” There was no judgement in the stranger’s chocolate brown eyes which was a pleasant surprise. Mike’s head swam sickeningly.

“It’s Mike. Nice to meet you,” she said shakily, trying to get a good look at the girl but it was almost impossible with the way her head was swimming. Mike glanced down at the sheets of paper the woman had given her, crumpled in her trembling grip as she tried to read the words. “You’re Cally I presume?”

“Just Cal is fine,” the girl said but her dark curls were tumbling into her eyes and she had half-risen from the bed she’d picked out beneath the window. Mike’s side of the room was still empty and her bed looked inviting but Mike didn’t want to sit down on it in case she got blood on the clean sheets.

“What… what happened to you?” the girl asked quietly, straightening up and taking Mike’s battered suitcase carefully from her unresisting hands. They were tacky with dried blood and the tanned girl – _Cal_ – flinched. She didn’t leave though and that meant a lot.

“My dad,” Mike said softly because keeping it a secret didn’t really seem to matter anymore. She was never going back home… not that it had ever counted as a home really. Not since Karen had died.

“Oh my god,” Cal whispered and her dark eyes seemed to be tearing up as she looked down at her new roommate. “C’mere. We should get you to the nurse. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Mike felt the tears that she’d been holding in all day beginning to roll down her cheeks because, if there was one thing she’d _never_ had the strength to fight against, it was kindness.

“Let me help you,” Cal pleaded, wrapping one arm carefully around the older girl’s waist as she led her back the way she’d come.

Cal never once stopped helping Mike.

That was the beginning.

 

**_For your eyes only, I show you my heart,_ **

**_For when you're lonely and forget who you are._ **

****

Mike had hidden who she was for so long that she wasn’t sure she remembered who she was anymore.

The realisation hit her most mornings when her eyes fluttered open and she saw their ceiling washed with grey light. It hit her when she heard Cal’s gentle breathing and felt the cool air touching her skin, and Mike felt tears welling up sometimes because feeling lost inside herself _hurt_ when she’d come so far to escape from the pain.

They were well into their third week sharing a room together before Cal finally brought up what her new roommate had said on the first day they met. The girls were lying in their respective beds but Cal was on her side, head propped up in her palm as her elbow rested on the pillow. Mike was snuggled up beneath her quilt.

“Why did your dad hurt you?” Cal asked, her voice soft and apologetic. “If you don’t want to say then that’s fine but… I’m curious.”

Mike couldn’t say she blamed her but that didn’t make it any easier. Her trembling hand found the old scars she’d left on her thighs and Mike’s nails were blunt as they bit into the meat of her leg. The stinging pain barely helped.

“He just… loses his temper sometimes.” Her voice sounded hollow to her own ears so Mike couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Cal. “After my mum died, he just… changed.” Mike was glad her voice wasn’t shaking but she still hated the weakness she knew must have been colouring her face. Mike let her emerald green eyes slide shut but she opened them wearily when she heard the springs of Cal’s bed squeak, watching as the taller girl hesitated before kicking her duvet back to reveal her long tanned legs underneath. She was only wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt and a tiny pair of shorts, and Cal looked cold as she crossed the room to settle down on Mike’s bed instead, snuggling close like a kitten.

“He didn’t want me to go to university,” Mike continued after a moment, her voice quiet as she bit her lip hard to keep it from wobbling. “He didn’t want me to do _anything_ but he was _killing_ me and I was… I was…”

Mike’s nails bit harder into her thigh and her face creased with pain, and Cal's dark eyes grew concerned. She wriggled under the duvet with Mike too and – so subtly that it could have been by mistake - her hand slipped across to gently hold Mike's so that the older girl would stop hurting herself. Cal gave it a comforting squeeze and the older girl went limp against her, letting out a tiny sob as she turned her face away into Cal’s shoulder.

“I had to run away,” Mike murmured, eyes wide and scared as she remembered.

Cal tucked her head away beneath Mike’s chin and the older girl stroked her dark curls hesitantly. Cal’s hair smelt like vanilla today – she must have bought a new shampoo – and her chocolate brown eyes were sad when she glanced up at her roommate.

“I’m glad you got away,” Cal mumbled and Mike’s faint smile was watery at best.

“I’m glad I got to meet you,” Mike countered, even though that hit a nerve because she’d always pretended not to like girls back home. Her father hated anything that made Mike stand out and identifying as a lesbian was a pretty good way of doing that.

Mike’s eyes swam with tears as she remembered and the dark-haired girl’s smile was equal parts fond and mournful.

“You’re even pretty when you’re crying,” Cal whispered and the tears that had been swimming in the older girl’s eyes boiled over as her response died in her throat.

Cal held her close as her sobs threatened to tear her apart but Mike had to admit that letting go of some of the pain inside made her feel a lot better.

The essays she had to write for her English degree became easier and Mike managed to secure a part-time job at the coffee shop on campus.

Mike had hidden who she was for so long that it would have been impossible to remember who she was anymore if Cal hadn’t been there to help her.

Mike’s roommate – and she was rapidly becoming Mike’s very best friend now too – was so unashamedly proud of who she was that Mike felt brave enough to make her own decisions again.

She wore band t-shirts and ripped jeans and flannel shirts Cal sometimes stole to wear over her underwear on hot evenings when she didn’t want to wear pyjamas. Mike saved up to buy converse and combat boots, and she didn’t have to hide her music taste or her love of guitar music anymore. She didn’t have to lie about her family or the scars that littered her pale skin because Cal _knew_ her now… and she wasn’t going anywhere.

Cal promised she was here to stay.

 

**_I'm missing half of me when we're apart._ **

**_Now you know me, for your eyes only,_ **

**_For your eyes only._ **

****

“What kind of music do you like, Mikey?” Cal asked.

The pair of them were browsing through the aisles of HMV in town. They hadn’t been off campus in a little while but Mike had saved up her wages from the shifts she worked at the coffee shop on campus and Cal had her allowance from her parents, and new music seemed important.

“I’m not sure. I like a lot of things,” Mike said as she carefully sorted through the CDs, peering at each name and occasionally removing one to read the list of songs on the back. Cal was hovering nearby, idly reading the back of a Coldplay CD that Mike knew for a fact she already had.

The younger girl smelt like flowers, courtesy of the rosewater she dabbed on her neck and wrists every morning when she woke up. Cal’s dark curls hung in loose ringlets today, just barely brushing her tanned collarbone as she watched her roommate curiously, waiting for her to answer.

“I like Green Day,” Mike said after a moment, putting the CD she’d been holding down without looking at it. “And Sum 41 and Wheatus. But I like Eva Cassidy and Lana Del Rey too.” Mike gave a little shrug, smiling shyly at Cal. Her lip wasn’t sore anymore. “I like a lot of things,” she repeated.

Cal’s dark eyes were soft but faintly _proud_ as she watched the beginnings of Mike’s newfound confidence blooming on her pale face, as white as snowdrops but with a rosy undertone that made her look like she was glowing almost.

The bruises on her skin had long-since faded like old photographs left in the sunlight.

“You’re pretty when you smile,” Cal said cheekily, flashing Mike a grin as her dimples creased her cheeks. The older girl blushed but she bit her bottom lip lightly, glancing up at Cal through her golden eyelashes as she remembered that night on the bed when her words had withered in her mouth.

“You’re always pretty,” Mike breathed and Cal’s cheeks heated with blood but her chocolate brown eyes were glitter-soft as she smiled at the older girl.

“You want to go and get a milkshake with me, Mikey?” Cal suggested and Mike smiled at her, soft and slow and hesitant.

“I’d love to.”

They opted for vanilla milkshakes in the end and Mike was smiling at Cal so sweetly that the taller girl’s heart looked like it was melting in her chest. They took their drinks into the park, sitting close together on a bench with their knees brushing gently as they sipped their milkshakes.

Cal’s knuckles were soft when she brushed them feather light against Mike’s cheekbone.

The older girl looked up at her owlishly, emerald green eyes wide and curious. Cal gave her a half-smile but she was biting her full bottom lip and Mike wanted her to stop hurting herself.

“I can’t believe anyone would want to hurt you,” Cal said softly and Mike’s eyes might have brimmed with tears but she was smiling faintly as she shifted closer, letting her head fall to rest on Cal’s shoulder. The younger girl wrapped one tanned arm gently around Mike’s waist and the golden-haired girl smiled again, letting her fingertips trace the various tattoos inking the soft skin of Cal’s arm.

“Thank you for being such a lovely person,” Mike said quietly and Cal’s smile was almost as soft as her _eyes_.

“You’re my friend,” Cal said simply, giving a tiny shrug that somehow managed to nudge Mike closer to her. “That’s what you do when you care about someone.”

Mike blushed, her cheeks staining a pink that mirrored the petals of the roses growing around them.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” she muttered as the wind picked up and the long grass rippled.

Cal hid her smile in Mike’s golden hair.

 

**_I've got scars, even though they can't always be seen,_ **

**_And pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing._ **

****

As the weeks slipped by and their second month at university ended, Mike and Cal grew closer.

Cal liked brushing Mike’s golden hair for some reason and she often sat cross-legged behind her in the evenings with a brush, gently teasing out the tangles as they watched episodes of Fringe and reruns of Harry Potter films.

It felt so nice spending those hours with Cal – calmer and safer than Mike had experienced since her _mother_ was still alive – and the sleepy kisses Cal sometimes scattered across Mike’s shoulders when she was finished brushing her hair only added to the feelings.

The first time Mike tried alcohol – something she’d always sworn never to do after watching it destroy her father – she was with Cal. They sat on Mike’s bed in their pyjamas with their legs tangled between them, passing a half-empty bottle of cherry liquor back and forth as they traded stories about their childhoods, back before Mike’s had all gone wrong.

Mike quite liked drinking with Cal because the dark-haired girl had made it apparent immediately that they didn’t need to get _drunk_ to drink alcohol. Mike could just have a little bit instead, just one drink – a bottle of cider or schnapps – so that she felt warm and safe lying cuddled in her best friend’s arms.

Mike could almost forget that the scars on her thighs and wrists were visible when Cal was singing softly under her breath as she stroked Mike’s long hair away from her forehead.

“I like this,” the older girl said one evening as they lay together again. Mike’s current favourite film was playing on the laptop – _A Walk To Remember_ – but neither of them were really paying attention to it anymore because they didn’t want to cry.

“Do you want to listen to music instead of sobbing at this film again?” Cal teased when she discovered that Mike seemed more interested in watching her than the story unfolding on the screen in front of them.

“Yeah, okay,” the older girl breathed, biting her full bottom lip in a failed attempt to suppress her smile as Cal rolled over to pause the film, opening YouTube instead.

“Stop being cute,” Cal said, throwing Mike a shamelessly flirty glance over her bare shoulder where the lilac strap of her vest had slipped aside. “Right, I’m going to show you Halsey and Melanie Martinez. They’re my favourites.”

Mike and Cal stayed lying tangled there until the early hours of the morning, and it was unbearably lovely as the stars glittered in the sky overhead and the students who shared their floor finally began to arrive home after whatever parties or clubs they’d been to that night.

Cal sang along to the music and Mike itched to play the guitar again, like she’d got to during those rare moments back in the music room at school during lunch.

Cal beamed when Mike hesitantly joined in during the parts she’d managed to pick up and watching the smile spread across the younger girl’s beautiful tanned face like treacle felt like the sun had finally burnt through the perpetual gloom of the storm clouds that had been hanging over Mike’s head for the better part of a decade.

Mike felt _safer_ with the dark-haired girl there… like Cal was the light gleaming on the horizon.

 

**_Pay attention, I hope that you listen ‘cause I let my guard down._ **

**_Right now I'm completely defenceless._ **

****

Cal brought a guitar home around a month later and, although she claimed to have found it very cheap in a charity shop, Mike had a feeling the younger girl was lying. She could see it in the sparkling of Cal’s chocolate brown eyes and the gentle twisting of her full lips.

“Do you like it?” the dark-haired girl asked hopefully and Mike had to swallow past the lump rising in her throat because… because Cal was always so _good_ to her and Mike didn't know what she’d done to deserve it.

Mike couldn't keep the smile off her face when Cal passed her the instrument wordlessly. Excited butterflies fluttered in Mike’s stomach and she felt so _lucky_ as her fingers drifted over the strings.

“I love it. Thank you,” Mike said quietly without raising her eyes but, had she looked up, she would have seen a happy smile tugging at Cal’s lips.

“Play something,” the younger girl pleaded, combing her dark curls absently with her fingers as she dropped down into the swivel chair at Mike’s desk.

The golden-haired girl bit her lip, considering the request for a moment before she shrugged, deciding there was no harm in it.

There was only one song in Mike’s head and, biting her lip, she threw caution to the wind, brushing her long hair back over one pale shoulder as she settled the guitar more comfortably in her lap.

“This song was my mum’s favourite,” the older girl said quietly, finally meeting Cal’s gaze. Her dark eyes looked suspiciously wet. “It's called _Can't Help Falling In Love_.”

“By Elvis?” Cal murmured, her smile gentle and sad and very, very sweet. Mike nodded and Cal’s expression softened. “Go on then,” she urged and Mike gulped, steeling herself.

Her fingers were clumsy at first but Mike's confidence quickly grew at the pride on Cal’s face as she watched with bated breath.

“ _Wise men say only fools rush in but I can't help falling in love with you_ ,” Mike sang. Her voice was soft and sweet, reminding Cal faintly of Amy Lee from Evanescence. “ _Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you?_ ”

Mike was blushing faintly as she ducked her head to lean over the guitar, her golden hair cascading down to hide her expression like a waterfall. Cal couldn't keep the smile from her face.

“ _Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling, so it goes_.” Mike’s voice was a little louder as she became more confident now and Cal's hand fell to settle comfortingly on Mike’s knee. “ _Some things are meant to be_.”

Mike’s emerald green eyes found Cal’s and the dark-haired girl’s breath caught in her chest as the older girl sang one last time.

“ _Take my hand. Take my whole life too for I can't help falling in love with you_.”

 

**_For your eyes only, I show you my heart,_ **

**_For when you're lonely and forget who you are._ **

****

Mike felt calmer these days with Cal by her side.

She felt healthier and safer and more relaxed. Her golden hair bounced on her pale shoulders, smelling a curious mixture of coconut, cherries, chocolate and mint. Cal had washed her hair for her the other day too, fingers running gently through the long locks and easing out the tangles as Mike’s eyes slid shut, and it had felt so _nice_ to be taken care of like that. Cal had shielded Mike’s eyes carefully to keep the worst of the water out and her gentle touch was so different to what Mike was used to.

The girls grew closer.

Cal went to get a new tattoo on Saturday morning – a cluster of blooms twisting around the vines already inking her forearm – and Mike decided to get one too. She picked a small, delicate-looking daisy for her wrist and the pain wasn’t anywhere near as bad as she’d imagined. Cal held her hand tightly with that same soft smile on her face and the crushing weight still bearing down on Mike’s shoulders even now felt lighter as the worst of the scars were covered behind the flower.

The tattoo healed quickly and the scars continued to fade, and the months were trickling through their fingers like grains of sand as they whiled away the days together. Mike’s heart shuddered in her chest when she realised one morning that they were already halfway through their first year of university together but it wasn’t necessarily a _negative_ realisation. It just showed how far she’d come instead.

Mike knew she was never going back home again and maybe the best part was that she hadn’t heard anything from her father either. He hadn’t even _tried_ to contact her and it made her feel safer almost, the prolonged silence where no news meant good news.

Mike cared about Cal _so_ much now and she was sure it was reciprocated. She’d never felt like this about anyone before. She’d never been this _close_ to someone but she was with Cal because they were closer than best friends now… something else maybe.

Mike was kind of beginning to wonder if she was falling for Cal but it didn’t worry her because, sometimes when she found herself lost in the wonderful melted chocolate of Cal’s sparkling eyes, the older girl saw it reflected back at her.

The realisation was cemented one fateful evening when Cal and Mike sat cuddled up together in the younger girl’s bed again. Cal was giggly and already well on the way to tipsy, drinking vodka mixed with _something_ fruity-smelling out of a white teacup patterned with delicate pink cherry blossom that Mike had bought her from a stall in the art department on campus.

Cal lay on her lavender-coloured duvet, unashamedly sprawled in a flannel shirt that was mostly unbuttoned and a pair of white lacy knickers with little pink satin bows on them.

Mike had seen them before on those evenings when Cal got out of the shower and wriggled into them before she stood in the bathroom, combing her hair and teasing it into curls as she chattered to Mike’s reflection in the mirror.

Cal seemed utterly shameless but Mike couldn’t very well blame her.

Cal was _magnificent_ , all dark eyes and soft curls and gentle smiles. She was miles and _miles_ of uninterrupted caramel skin, always smelling of raspberry-scented bubble bath and cocoa butter. It made Mike’s mouth water sometimes if she let herself get distracted, made her heart flutter like a butterfly in her chest when Cal glanced up at her and smiled from behind the teacup, dimples showing and eyes twinkling as she crossed her legs, fluttering her eyelashes cheekily.

“Cal,” Mike breathed, voice soft and sweet as a tiny sigh escaped her. Cal bit her plump bottom lip, white teeth sinking into it as Mike’s breath stuttered out of her in a gasp and, _god_ , Mike wanted to kiss her so much.

When Cal blushed as she smiled shyly up at the older girl, Mike thought Cal might want to kiss her too.

 

**_I'm missing half of me when we're apart._ **

**_Now you know me, for your eyes only,_ **

**_For your eyes only._ **

****

Mike was having a bad day.

She _knew_ that was all it was but it didn’t make her feel any better. Cal had gone home for the weekend on a grudging visit to see her parents and Mike had declined the offer the younger girl extended to her, insisting that she should stay behind to finish her work.

It was only two nights.

Mike should have been okay for two nights.

That didn’t change the fact that she _wasn’t_ though because she couldn’t feel comfortable without the other girl close by anymore.

Mike couldn’t sleep without Cal’s soft breathing coming from somewhere close by. She couldn’t feel totally calm unless the younger girl was sitting beside her, thighs pressed warmly together as Cal showed her silly pictures she’d saved on her phone for the sole purpose of calming Mike down when she was panicky.

Mike felt _sick_ with how much she missed Cal, felt ill at the bitter taste that welled up in her mouth when the scars beneath her tattoo itched and her nails bit into the pale skin of her thigh. She wanted to cut again and the knowledge stung because Cal cared about Mike so, _so_ much that the older girl knew she couldn’t let herself give in.

When Cal came home on Sunday night, she only had to take one look at Mike’s pale, pinched face to know that something was badly wrong.

“Mikey, honey, what is it?” Cal whispered when her dark eyes settled on where the older girl was sitting on the floor between their beds, knees drawn tightly to her chest as the knot in her chest tightened.

“Nothing,” Mike mumbled but Cal clearly didn’t believe her and… and Mike suddenly wondered why she was lying. Her father wasn’t here and she could finally be who she _wanted_ to be. She didn’t need to lie to herself anymore.

“I missed you,” Mike said after a moment, face flaming and expression ashamed. Cal’s eyes softened and the hard, worried line of her jaw relaxed when her mouth fell open for a moment like the older girl’s words had surprised her.

“I missed you too,” Cal said but there was a tiny, slightly wistful smile curling her lips now as she knelt down in front of Mike. “You don’t normally… say stuff like that…” Cal tilted her head to one side and her dark curls tumbled to one side. “What changed?”

Mike’s hand was shaking when she reached out to brush her trembling fingertips against the younger girl’s soft cheek.

“You were gone,” Mike breathed.

The hurt sound that escaped Cal was lost as their mouths finally met, Cal’s lips soft against Mike’s as they parted gently, and it felt like Cal was feeding oxygen to the dying flame inside her chest.

Mike prayed it never stopped.

 

**_I can feel your heart inside of mine._ **

**_I feel it, I feel it._ **

****

Mike was better at playing the guitar nowadays.

Sometimes – if she was struggling with a particularly difficult chord – she sat with her back pressed to Cal’s chest and the taller girl helped her, adjusting her fingers on the frets and repositioning the guitar so that it sat more comfortably in her lap.

(Cal sat in Mike’s lap sometimes too, cushioned on her thighs as her fingers threaded through the older girl’s long golden hair and her tongue dragged against Mike’s, making the flames in her heart drop down to settle in her stomach.)

When Mike had learnt to play over ten songs the whole way through on the guitar, Cal persuaded her to play in the student union some evenings when her workload was light and she wasn’t working a shift at the coffee shop.

It began to attract a crowd – small but steadily growing – and on those evenings when Mike’s anxiety clenched her chest so badly that she couldn’t gather enough breath to sing, Cal did it for her, standing beside Mike while the older girl played the chords and Cal’s sweet voice filled the room until Mike felt calm enough to join in.

They sounded good together and the other students seemed to like watching them, and people bought them drinks to congratulate them sometimes, with smiling faces and bright, twinkling eyes.

Mike had never felt so accepted before but with Cal there holding her hand as the smiling faces of people who might eventually grow to become new friends shone out at her through the darkness, Mike figured maybe she finally knew what **happy** felt like.

 

**_I've been going out of my mind._ **

**_I feel it, I feel it._ **

****

Cal was Mike’s first everything.

She was the first person to kiss Mike’s lips and promise that everything was going to be okay. She was the first person to lean in – so close that her lips brushed the shell of Mike’s ear – and whisper that she turned her on. She was the first person that Mike let herself be fully vulnerable in front of.

Maybe Cal wasn’t just _Mike’s_ everything.

Maybe Cal _was_ everything instead.

That was certainly how it felt now as the late afternoon sun filtered through a gap in the blinds and Mike’s breath escaped her in a ragged gasp. It had only started out as kissing but something felt different today, a charge in the air that made the hairs on the back of Mike’s neck rise as Cal’s full lips dragged gently down her throat, leaving hot open-mouthed kisses behind.

Mike had never touched anyone before and she’d _definitely_ never been touched either, and the way Cal was biting her own lip as she gazed at Mike spread out in front of her made Mike flush pink all the way down to her bare chest.

Cal traced Mike’s ribs with her soft hands, fingertips brushing every single scar she found, no matter how tiny it was, and it felt like the younger girl was kissing the pain away almost, her tongue dragging hot across the soft skin as her dark curls tumbled around her, making heat pool in Mike’s soft stomach.

Cal glanced up to see Mike gazing at her with hooded emerald green eyes, pupils blown as she bit at her bottom lip hard, chest rising and falling. Cal smirked but Mike’s panting breaths seemed to draw her gaze because her lips parted slightly as she ducked her head and a surprised whine escaped Mike when Cal sucked her nipple into her mouth.

It was hot and wet, and Mike’s gasp was torn out of her as her thighs fell apart. She could feel herself getting wet in her knickers when Cal hummed contentedly, letting her teeth gently graze the sensitive bud as Mike’s hands rose to clutch at her shoulders, fingertips pressing in as her breath escaped her in gasps and her hips began to shift restlessly as she searched for pressure.

Mike groaned when Cal moved away but the younger girl’s chocolate brown eyes were soft as she sat back on her heels, gently sliding the damp material of Mike’s knickers down the pale, warm skin of her faintly scarred thighs.

“My god, you’re beautiful,” Cal breathed, ducking her head again to let her lips brush Mike’s soft stomach, her hips, the inside of her thighs... Mike’s body was jerking at the contact now, desperate for something but all Cal was doing was _teasing_ her and –

“ _Cal_ ,” Mike moaned, voice tight with shock and lust when Cal’s lips finally closed around Mike’s clit, her tongue hot as she circled it gently. Mike’s legs were trembling and her fingers were shaking as she fisted them in the soft material of the vest the younger girl was wearing, and her panting breaths were ragged now as Cal pressed closer.

She stroked her finger gently over Mike, the tip threatening to push in although she never actually let it. It made Mike’s cheeks flame with blood as her hips bucked and… and Mike had never felt like this before. She’d never realised she could feel this _good_.

Mike was so wet now – _dripping_ with how great Cal was at this – and a high choked sound escaped her when Cal worked her finger in gently, sliding it in and out of Mike’s tight slick heat as the older girl began to flutter around her.

Cal’s tongue washed over Mike’s clit again as her fingertip brushed something that made the older girl see stars and, so sensitive and unused to this, that was all it took for Mike to fall apart, eyes squeezed shut and mouth falling open in a silent moan as she came.

Her chest was heaving and the sheets were sticking to her back but there was a tiny, slightly drunk smile twisting Mike’s lips as Cal’s mouth found hers.

“You’re – that was _so_ –” Mike’s tone sounded vaguely accusatory but she was clinging to Cal like she was scared of letting go, arms wrapped tightly around her, lips pressed to the warm skin of the younger girl’s throat.

Cal stroked Mike’s golden hair gently with one hand as, with the other, she cuddled her to her chest.

“Was that okay?” Cal asked hesitantly and Mike blushed as she leant back a little to press a kiss to Cal’s jaw.

“More than okay,” Mike whispered after a long moment.

Cal hid her smile in Mike’s long hair.

“Good,” she said softly before mumbling a quiet: “Girlfriend.”

Mike smiled so wide her face ached.

 

**_Know that I'm just wasting time,_ **

**_And I hope that you don't run from me._ **

****

Mike worried that she was getting addicted to tattoos.

She went to get another a few weeks later and Cal went with her, and they kept the tradition up for the next few months, until one day Mike looked down at herself and saw pearly arms that were covered with flowers and lyrics and stars to hide the scars underneath.

Cal got a flowering tree tattooed on her ribs, branches stretching up towards the sun, petals intricately inked, the colour of candyfloss and red grape juice and Mike’s lips.

They were playing Green Day songs in the tattoo parlour when Mike sat to have her sleeve finished, lips bitten raw as she watched the tattooist ink her pale skin. She _loved_ this, loved the sensation… loved it almost as much as she loved **Cal** …

Because Mike had fallen for her.

She’d fallen for the dark-haired girl with her sparkling eyes and sharp tongue, just as surely as the leaves change to gold in autumn and the tide rushes in to meet the sun-warmed sand.

Mike had fallen in _love_ and the sheer vulnerability of it terrified her.

There was absolutely nothing she could do about it though because, when Cal met her gaze as she drew her into a gentle kiss, Mike knew Cal loved her too.

 

**_For your eyes only, I show you my heart._ **

**_For when you're lonely and forget who you are._ **

****

They’d just played another show in the student union, sang a cover of Lana Del Rey’s ‘Burning Desire’ and Cal had hit notes Mike didn’t even know was _possible_.

She sounded so good… _looked_ so good too, dark hair curling around her shoulders, tired eyes sparkling with mischief, crop top tight around her chest beneath a short denim jacket as she gave Mike one of those smiles again. The ones that tasted like ‘ _Let’s have an adventure_ ’ when her tongue slipped into Mike’s mouth.

They were home again now though, Cal backed up against the door in her floral Doc Martens as Mike kissed her hot and slow. The older girl’s hand edged hesitantly beneath Cal’s floaty skirt where it ended mid-thigh and heat washed over both of them when Mike’s fingertips encountered the lace of Cal’s knickers.

“ _Damn_ ,” the dark-haired girl breathed, head falling back against the wood with a thunk, eyes squeezed shut to show the smoky eyeshadow Mike had carefully applied to her lids. She looked so good – _sinful_ almost – and Mike’s mouth was watering again as she knelt down in front of Cal in her scuffed combat boots and denim shorts.

She rucked Cal’s skirt up carefully, eased her knickers halfway down her legs before she decided she couldn’t wait and stretched up to taste her. Cal’s hands starfished on the door and she let out a loud, surprised moan when Mike got her mouth on her properly for the first time, eating her out so clumsy and eager that Cal’s knees began to shake as Mike’s grip on her hips tightened.

The only sounds in the room as the moon shone in the night sky outside were Cal’s shaky breaths and the wet noise of Mike’s mouth as she lapped at her. It must have felt good because Cal was trembling harder now, looking like she was about to fall down as she leant heavily against the inside of their bedroom door.

Mike could hear people passing by outside, drunk and laughing, and Cal was trying _so_ hard not to moan again because she was _loud_ and it was hot but, quite honestly, Mike wasn’t sure she could take the embarrassment.

Cal’s plump lips parted against her better judgement though and the sounds began to pour out of her – so dizzyingly hot that Mike’s hand slipped down between her own legs almost of its own accord – and Cal was grinding down against Mike’s tongue like she couldn’t get enough of the pressure and… and it was wonderful.

 _Cal_ was wonderful.

She came with a broken cry, knees buckling and sending her slumping down into Mike’s arms as Cal’s pleasure shuddered through her, making her weak as a kitten against the older girl’s chest.

Mike kissed Cal’s forehead gently when the younger girl came to a few moments later and Cal’s eyes looked like they were swimming with tears as she reached up with trembling hands to cup Mike’s blushing face.

“I love you, Mikey,” Cal whispered and it felt like Mike’s throat had closed up when her tears got lodged there, threatening to choke her. Her words didn’t get stuck though. _Those_ tumbled out of her in a strangled voice but, when Mike told Cal she loved her back, she knew it was the truth.

Her love for Cal _burnt_.

 

**_I'm missing half of me when we're apart._ **

**_Now you know me, for your eyes only._ **

 

“We should go out for the evening, Mikey,” Cal said.

It was almost the end of term now – most of their exams had been completed and Mike only had one left. It made her feel free but also untethered, like she might slip right off the face of the planet if Cal loosened her grip on Mike’s shaking hand, even for a moment.

“I want to buy you a drink to celebrate you being so damn smart,” Cal said, blushing as her shining eyes held Mike’s gaze. The older girl knew what her girlfriend meant. Mike’s English teacher had come up to her after her exam and thanked her for being such a wonderful student, tapping the side of her nose and smiling in the sort of way that made Mike feel unusually confident about her test results.

“Sure, okay,” Mike mumbled and, despite how flattered she was when Cal leant to kiss her chastely on the cheek, the older girl had a bad feeling about this and it only worsened when they started towards their favourite bar.

The anxiety in Mike’s veins forced her blood too-fast through her veins and her feet dragged sluggishly on the pavement as Cal led her along.

“What is it, honey?” the dark-haired girl asked softly but Mike simply pressed her lips together stubbornly, shaking her head with a jerk. How could she tell Cal that she felt like something awful was about to happen and not sound paranoid? They were only going out for the evening to celebrate and have a few drinks. Mike _should_ have felt happy.

That didn’t change the fact that she _didn’t_ though.

Her golden hair was messy by the time they arrived with how much she’d been dragging her fingers through it but Cal was rubbing her thumb comfortingly on the back of her girlfriend’s hand as she led her along beneath the stars and… and maybe Mike was being stupid.

Maybe she was wasting precious time better spent with Cal – with her very _favourite_ person on the planet – by worrying about something unknown that hadn’t even happened.

“How does a rum and coke sound?” Cal asked hesitantly when they entered the warmth of the bar and… yeah… Mike could probably get behind that.

“Sure,” she said, stretching up on her tiptoes to press a gentle kiss to the corner of Cal’s mouth. Mike’s tongue moved over her lips when she drew away because they tasted of Cal’s strawberry-flavoured lip-gloss now and it was so much better than it had any right to be. “Sounds like a plan.”

Mike winked because she was lame but Cal’s cheeks heated with blood as she headed over to the bar, leaving her girlfriend to find them a table. It was difficult because it was a Friday evening near the end of exams but Mike managed it, sliding into a seat as a couple vacated a table by the window.

“Nice,” Cal said appreciatively when she dropped into the seat opposite her girlfriend, setting their drinks down between them. Mike had a feeling Cal wasn’t talking about the table and she could feel the nervousness in her stomach easing when her girlfriend reached over to take her hand.

“I love you,” Cal reminded her, chocolate brown eyes softer than ever as she gave Mike’s hand a gentle squeeze before reaching for her drink. “Just in case you’d forgotten.”

“I’m never going to forget that,” Mike said but the fear in her eyes had turned to twinkling instead as she ducked her head, letting her cherry-red lips brush Cal’s knuckles gently before she finished what she’d been saying. “… on account of me loving you too, sweetheart.”

Mike felt better by the time they left the bar a few hours later because Cal was giggly and soft as she cuddled Mike beneath her arm, kissing her girlfriend’s cheeks and nose and the corner of her mouth as she stroked her golden hair away from her flushed face. Mike could taste Cal’s lip-gloss on her mouth.

“There’s no cars around,” Cal noticed somewhat drunkenly as the two girls stumbled home together. A smile lit up her face brightly and Mike buried her giggles in her hands when Cal declared: “I’m going to dance in the road for you.”

“That’s dangerous,” Mike pointed out but her head was pleasantly clouded with alcohol and Cal looked beautiful as she twisted, hands stretching up towards the stars, eyes sliding shut as she swayed.

Everything was beautiful until a hand clamped down over Mike’s mouth and hauled her backwards into an alley behind them. Mike caught a glimpse of Daryl’s face in the streetlight – twisted with fury and something that looked a lot like _hatred_ – and then Cal was calling her name and Mike was screaming, and everything was **wrong**.

Mike staggered backwards into the wall when Daryl pushed her away from him and she’d barely had time to regain her balance before his fists began to slam into her, crunching against her face and her ribs and her hands when she reached up desperately to protect herself.

“ _Mike_! Get away from her!” Cal’s voice broke but she flew at Daryl, still screaming for help at the top of her lungs as she clawed and punched at him, nails raking across his face as Mike slumped down onto the pavement, knocked out cold when Daryl’s fist wheeled out and caught her in the side of the head.

Cal was crying like she couldn’t breathe, great heaving sobs as she fought him, screams hoarse in her throat now but it didn’t matter because some guys had just emerged from the bar at the sound of her cries and they were strong enough to drag Daryl away, pinning him against the wall while another passer-by called the police and an ambulance. When the dark-haired girl realised who this must have been – that this wasn’t just a random attack because they’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time – her stomach churned sickeningly and she had to fight not to be sick as bile rose in her throat. Her knees were scraped raw and bloody.

Cal sank down beside Mike, the back of her hand passing across her nose and smearing blood there as she stared down at her girlfriend in absolute horror. The sobs were grating in her throat and her face was throbbing, like Daryl had got a strike in without her noticing.

“ _No_ ,” Cal cried softly when she brushed Mike’s bruised cheek lightly with her fingers and the older girl’s head simply lolled to the side. Her face was vacant when Cal cupped her cheeks gently but there was blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth and her emerald green eyes remained stubbornly shut.

Cal could hear sirens faraway but her heart felt like it was shredding itself apart in her chest now as the adrenaline thundering through her veins burnt the last of the alcohol out of her system.

“I love you, Michelle,” Cal whispered, heart in her throat and eyes swimming with so many tears that she almost missed it when Mike’s eyes fluttered open weakly, the light in them fading. “So, _so_ much. I love you. I’ll never stop.”

Mike’s eyes slid shut again but they opened infinitesimally when Cal stroked her hair away from the blood streaking her forehead where her father had shoved her into the wall.

“Please don’t leave me,” Cal begged, dark curls framing her face as she leant to press her lips gently to Mike’s. Her voice had stopped shaking as the shock rapidly set in but her eyes were fixed on Mike’s ashen face. Cal’s hair hanging around them felt like a curtain almost, shutting out the rest of the world as Mike lay limply beneath her, almost gone. “I can’t go on without you anymore.”

“ _You can_ ,” Mike breathed – too weak to cry although her cheeks were streaked with tears – and Cal sniffed hard, wiping her face with her sleeve and smearing her mascara as she ducked her head to kiss her girlfriend gently.

“Well, I don’t want to then,” Cal murmured but Mike’s eyes slid shut anyway and Cal’s tears kept falling.

It felt like they were never going to stop.

 

**_For your eyes only, I show you my heart._ **

**_For when you're lonely and forget who you are._ **

****

Those twenty-something hours following the attack were some of the longest Cal had ever spent.

The hospital room was very generic – peach-coloured walls, malfunctioning blinds, uncomfortable plastic chairs that stayed empty save the one Cal sat curled up in. It was warm in there but Cal was shivering, still dressed in the dress and heels she’d been wearing the previous evening when –

God, it didn’t even bear _thinking_ about.

But Mike was still here – good hand warm and knuckles faintly scratched as Cal cradled it safely in her open palms – and the monitors were beeping steadily, and Cal was never, _ever_ letting go of her.

Cal pressed a kiss to Mike’s sore knuckles, her lips dragging gently across the skin as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut against the sudden flood of tears that threatened to boil over.

“Please come back,” she murmured but her breath caught in her throat when Mike’s fingers twitched weakly in her hold. “Come back to me, honey,” Cal whispered, squeezing Mike’s hand gently in her own as she leant closer, hair tangled as her eyes remained fixed on the older girl’s face, hardly daring to hope. “Please.”

Mike woke up slowly after that and it took almost half an hour before she looked anything _close_ to aware of what was going on around her. Her emerald green eyes were still slightly glazed but there was a drip in her arm so maybe the pain medication was making her sleepy.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Cal murmured when Mike’s eyes finally settled on her but Cal’s voice was thick with tears as she took in Mike’s face.

There was a cut on her cheek held together with butterfly tape and there were stitches in her eyebrow, keeping the jagged cut there from spilling more blood across her snowy skin. Four of her fingers were broken and _that_ hand rested gently on the blankets nearby although Cal gripped the other one even tighter when the pain made Mike’s face tighten as she paled.

“How bad is it?” Her voice was hoarse due to dehydration and Cal got to her feet, filling a plastic cup with water from the jug resting on Mike’s bedside table before she pushed it gently into her good hand.

“Thanks,” Mike croaked but her eyes were still fixed on Cal’s face – one eye was swollen half-shut, the purple bruise staining her skin like ink – and the dark-haired girl swallowed past the lump in her throat, patting Mike’s knee gently through the blankets and relaxing when her girlfriend didn’t flinch.

“Y-you…” Cal’s voice cracked and she coughed a little, trying again. Mike raised the cup, sipping some of the water as she watched Cal over the rim. “You had a concussion. Some… some of your ribs got broken… and your fingers…” Cal’s trembling hand rose to touch Mike’s cheek gently, little more than a brush of fingertips, as light as a butterfly’s wing.

“Your face got smashed up pretty bad,” Cal continued but she sounded choked up now as her exhausted eyes swam with tears. Mike set the half-empty cup down shakily. “You needed _stitches_.” The tears were rolling now, gliding down her cheeks and falling onto their entwined hands.

With every injury stated, Mike had grown paler, like hearing them spoken out loud meant that she could feel the pain that came with them.

Mike opened her mouth and she could have asked anything then – _How bad do I look? Did my father get away? Why did this happen to me?_ – but Mike surprised Cal, just like she always did.

“He hurt you… but you stayed,” the older girl said simply, looking lost and agonised at the injuries on her girlfriend's exhausted tanned face. “Why… why did you stay?”

Cal’s head fell onto her folded arms where they rested on the bed and the sobs that escaped her weren’t quiet enough. Her shoulders shook with the force of them and Mike was quiet as she lay there, fingers carding gently through Cal’s dark curls as she stroked her scalp.

“Because I _love_ you,” the younger girl gasped out tearfully. Mike hummed contentedly, stroking Cal’s dark hair away from her forehead with a gentle brush of her cool fingers. The older girl tried to smile but her sore face crumpled as the tears began to leak down her cheeks like raindrops.

She looked more tired than Cal had ever seen.

“I love you too,” Mike murmured as her lavender eyelids slid shut for one final time that night. “I think I always have.”

Mike’s jaw slackened as she fell asleep and Cal settled back in the uncomfortable plastic chair, knees drawn up to her chest with an arm wrapped around them while, with her free hand, she laced her fingers with Mike’s.

Cal remembered how Mike had looked on that very first day when she’d barged into their room with blood drying in streaks on her pale face and tears pooling in her eyes. The dark-haired girl remembered the way her heart had lurched in her chest because she’d seen beneath the dirt and the cuts, had looked into Mike’s eyes and seen the absolute _beauty_ shining there, hidden beneath the pain and the numbness –

And that beauty was still there now.

 _Mike_ was still beautiful.

Cal loved her so much that the glow of it made everything else fade into shade.

That was just the way it had always been though.

Mike shone brighter than the sun.

 

**_I'm missing half of me when we're apart._ **

**_Now you know me, for your eyes only,_ **

**_For your eyes only._ **

****

Mike’s heart beat calmly in her chest. Her skin was pale but flushed with a rosy undertone and her long hair was burnished gold as it tumbled around her shoulders. Her green eyes glittered like emeralds and her cherry-red lips were curled into a smile. Mike’s happiness made her _glow_.

Cal helped her so much during those days and they grew closer than ever.

Cal sat with Mike when the older girl had to give her statement to the police and she held Mike’s hand tightly when Daryl was sent away to prison for years.

They finished their first year of university and Mike didn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays but she didn’t have anything to lose either so she went home with Cal for Christmas. The dark-haired girl introduced her girlfriend proudly to her parents and older sister Mali-Koa, and Mike was stunned to discover that they actually seemed to _like_ her.

The pair of them got better at performing together too, whiling away the days while Mike played the guitar and Cal joined her in singing their favourite songs. They uploaded covers to Cal’s YouTube account sometimes and it felt good, reminded Mike of singing in the student union with Cal, their voices mingling sweetly in the quiet as the people grouped around them watched with shining eyes.

Mike’s love for Cal smouldered in her chest, calm and steady and constant, impossible to stamp out no matter how hard the rain poured down. Mike was determined to make this work and she saw the resolve reflected back at her in Cal’s starry eyes, fierce and flaming with love.

With Cal by her side, Mike knew she’d be alright.

With Cal there, Mike could survive _anything_.

 

**_For your eyes only._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Please let me know what you thought by leaving comments and kudos <3


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